Do those even exist anymore? For me, I mean. Obviously for the deeper and far more dedicated tumblarians out there these are a regular thing, but for my fellow lazy folk this is a rare occurance. However I feel the need to get something off my chest and what better place to do it than here?
The play is over, sort of. We’re giving an encore performance Thursday during 5th and 6th period for some of the elementary school classes and I couldn’t be happier, but that isn’t the point.
What’s bugging me is the dream I had a few nights ago.
X [that is his name in this story, to protect the innocent- and by that I obviously mean myself] was someone I didn’t know before this. Sure, I knew who he was but we’d never spoke before. Now let us not get confused, during this play we did not spark an amazing connection therefore sealing my undying love. But I have realized I’m attracted to him. Anyway, back to the dream. I walked into his house to find two other cast members there, so I sat down on the couch. The other two cast members left and I looked at him and said, “I can leave too if you want, like if you’re busy or whatever. It’s cool, but if you’re not doing anything your couch is really comfy, so…” [*Note: this is paraphrasing, obviously. I can’t remember word for exact word, but it’s close enough] And X says, “No, it’s cool.” and plops down next to me. “Thanks.” I say. “No problem.” says he. And then, “You know that question you asked me earlier? Ask me again.” And so I, the dream version of me knowing exactly what to say, ask the apparent question. “Do you like me? In a more than friends way?” And he says, “Yes.” and leans over and kisses me. Flashforward [you know how dreams work- they make no sense looking back but in the dream its all good and dandy] and we’re arriving back at his house, with my father. I get out and kiss my dad on the cheek goodbye, promising to be home later and he smiles while I follow X up the stairs. Then we chase his little siblings around the house (does he have siblings? I have no clue. But Dream X does, so I’m rolling with it) laughing and having a jolly old time. Then we go back to the couch [his couch? I don’t know, it was private] and lay down together, cuddling. And I say how happy I am and he tells me how happy he is.
And then I wake up and realize none of it was real and I’m still the eighteen year old loser who hasn’t even had her first kiss or so much as held hands with a boy- ever.
I’m not depressed so to say. More like… dissapointed that it was just a dream. And confused, and feeling quite pitiful. And I can’t stop thinking about X.
Really though, I just really needed to get that off my chest. So thanks for listening. <3